F-With-People Blog

For those of you who enjoyed my exchange of emails with Oleysa and other scammers, you might want to visit the blog of a person who makes time to full-on full-time F with people: www.fwithpeople.com.

And click here to revisit my scam experiences (Scams)  








 

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Repost: Nigerian Scam? Food For Thought

Wish I could take credit for this video. it's a sketch on the Nigerian eMail Scam.


Watch this video before you hit that [DELETE] key

Thanks, Philbert! 

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I have been getting a rash of emails from folks asking if I got their emails, you know, the kind where I may have missed some important proposal they made, like to give me a zillion dollars. So I have responded using a specially created email address thus:

-----Original Message-----
From: joybaber@clear.net.nz [mailto:joybaber@clear.net.nz] 
On Behalf Of Subhash
Sent: Saturday, October 27, 2012 12:36 PM
To: info@cpll.cn
Subject: Re

Did you receive my mail?.

--------- Reply ----------

Do you mean the one with your sister sucking my dick? Or the one where I fuck your mom in the ass?
Yes, I got them both. 
Thanks!

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My Darling Mrs. Eidenberg

This morning I got this heart wrenching, unsolicited email from Mrs. Laura - an excerpt:

Dearest Beloved,
I know that this letter might be a surprise to you, I came across your email contact from my personal search and I instructed the doctor here in this hospital to help me email you and I believe that you will be honest to fulfill my final wish before I will die.
I am Mrs Laura Eidenberg from Belgium, I am 78 years old, I am deaf and suffering from a long time cancer of the breast."
etc. etc. MONEY etc. etc.

Yours in Christ, Laura

She went on to say that she had some money to give me, lot's of it. Note that she's in Belgium, not Nigeria, so this is not some run-of-the-mill scam. So I carefully composed a heartfelt response. I hope she received it in the spirit I intended.

Dear Laura,

I hope you suffer a long, drawn out painful death, screaming and writhing in pain at the horror of approaching death. Since you are deaf you will have to imagine that I am screaming in your ear "FUCK OFF BITCH."
Otherwise, Have A Nice Day! :)

Jim

 You can send your sentiments to: laura.eidenberg@mums.com

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Scams, my favorite topic

From: Mrs. Stella Ibe [mailto:RLWalker75@aol.com]

Sent: Monday, December 06, 2010 6:40 AM

Subject: Your immediate response is awaited

FROM THE DESK OF

Mrs. Stella Ibe

FOREIGN OPERATIONS DEPARTMENT,

Dear Beneficiary ,

Having reviewed all the obstacles and problems surrounding the transfer of your (USD3.500,000.00) and your inability to meet up with some charges levied against you due to the past transfer options, We the Board of Directors, Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) has ordered our Foreign Payment Remittance Unit to issue you a CORPORATE VISA CARD where your payment will be uploaded and today, we got notice that your Payment has been uploaded into this CORPORATE VISA CARD and also have registered for delivery to you.

For your information, The delivery charges has been paid and they were supposed to have shipped your packaged VISA CARD but they insisted that you must re-confirm to them your current delivery address to ensure accurate Delivery.

MOST IMPORTANT: Due to the content of the package, FedEx mandated that before your package will be shipped, A Tax/Stamp Duty MUST be procured according to the New Customs Creed and the importance of such Document is to ensure a hitch-free delivery and the amount is USD260.00 USD.

Therefore re-confirm your current delivery address and forward to Rev.Charles Ekeh BELOW.

Your Full Name: ______________________________

Your Complete Address (Physical Address with Zip Code not P.O.BOX) : ____________

Name of City of Residence:_______________________________ Country:____________________________________

Direct Telephone Number: ___________________

Mobile Number:____________________________________

AGE____________________________________

Occupation:________________________________

Working Identity Card/Int'l Passport:________________________________

NAME: Rev.Charles Ekeh

POSITION: FOREIGN DELIVERY DEPARTMENT.

E-MAIL: (postbox.alliance@airsoftmail.com)

MOBILE: +2348032204837

Please hurry now as your package might incure demurrages if it stays more than 7days with FedEx.

Thanks,

Mrs. Stella Ibe

For the Management (CBN).

My response:

 

"STELLA"!! (I'm channeling Marlon Brando)

Demurrages?

Jeez, using a $5 word. And nobody uses the word "mobile", it's "cellphone" here in the USA.   And you got the use of "ensure" right, most dummies use "insure."   But your use of a reverend's name, from which I should infer that I will be working with an honest man, doesn't "fit" in this email.   A reverend mixed up in a financial transaction just doesn't ring true.   Better to use the American version of a bonded, trustworthy financial agent, what we call "a shill."   Your message has a little bit of British tang to it.

Why don't your scams ever come in the regular mail (in the post, for you Brits)? Costs too much I guess. But think about it, it could look pretty authentic.

You ever notice the arrow between the "E" and the "X" in the FedEx logo? A subliminal message that, showing a company on the move, on the go.

Anyway, fuck off.

Prankster

You've no doubt noticed that a prankster has embedded "You Might Like" links after some posts. Yes, many lead to gay blogs. I can hardly suppress my excitement that a homophobic bonehead (chuckles) has targeted this lowly (and I might add private) blog.

So it seems one of our 110 readers is a mole. The rare Molahomaphobe. I guess we should be grateful. Perhaps some of our readers can find some happiness in these other blogs. Let me know!

Here I Sit, Broken Hearted, Paid My Dime, And Only ....

Yeah, an old favorite. Fart poems are always crowd pleasers. I certainly remember pay toilets and looking for change. I'm guessing someone like me grew up and passed some laws to put a stop to that.

But in this case, I'm broken hearted because I am no longer getting emails from my dear Russian hottie Oleysa. Perhaps she found another true love, or perhaps he/she got busted.

Anyway, I'm getting back to the business of preparing posts, so no sham scams for a while.

Jim

Russian Girl update - #6

WHAT DID SHE DO?
In her latest letter she tells me she's dreaming about leaving her family behind and meeting me at the airport, coming into my home, and being in love (sigh). Oh, but to have a speck of truth. All my questions from the last letter to her were unanswered, and given the direction she's taken (i.e. let's meet soon), I've decided to respond from now on in a literary fashion, i.e. with trashy novel phrasing. Thus a snippet of my next email:
[Start snippet]

"I do think about you every day, a "daydream" in our language, "Сновидение дня" in your language. And yes, I do dream about you. I dream that we meet for the first time and for just a moment you are very shy, but then you step very close to me, close enough that I can feel your breath on my  lips, and you look up into my eyes and whisper "I am Oleysa". At that moment a gentle breeze blows a few strands of your hair across your brow, and I brush them away very lightly. I catch my breath and say "I am Jim, and you are even more beautiful than your pictures." We both smile, and I take both your hands and we talk very quietly about how nice it is to finally meet. Yes, you are a little shy at first but there's a sparkle in your eyes, a twinkle that reveals that you are very happy to be here, to see me, to touch me . The air is thick with passion, everything around us fades from view I say to you "This is the first day of the rest of our lives."
[end snippet]
OK, reality check for my blog readers. She is a 23 year old female Italian student named Tayara claiming to be a 27 year old female Russian secretary named Oleysa from Vladimir, Russia.
At best she is a young woman looking for love in a weird deceitful way, or one of my blog readers getting his chuckles at my expense. At worst she could actually be the car purchase scammer from a few weeks ago. At any rate, don't feel sorry for he/she, I haven't promised anything to anyone. Except, of course, some laughs to you readers.

WHAT WILL SHE DO NEXT?

Russian Girl update - #5

WHAT DID SHE DO?

In her latest letter she reaffirms that she is looking for romance and asks that I say if I want the same. Hound dog that I am, I wrote freely (and honestly) that I would love to have love in my life.

She also spent quite a few words, actually the bulk  of the email, about me being honest and truthful. 

I opened my reply with an Italian phrase "Il mio caro..." which means "My dear..." and sprinkled in a few other Italian phrases. Here and there I clipped exact phrases from her blog and pasted them in my email (no she's not blond but I don't expect her to catch on.) I closed with a strongly worded paragraph about honesty and offered her a chance to come clean if she's been lying about even the smallest thing. "Oh what a web we weave..."

She denied having a blog but does indeed have one with over 45,000 hits - a popular girl!

Anyway, honest though it may be, I'm hoping my flim-flam will trump her sham-scam. And  I really hope  my emails don't lead to a flim-flam flap over a  damn sham-scam.

WHAT WILL SHE DO NEXT?

Russian Girl update - #4

BREAKING NEWS!

Chocolate Milktooth has provided a link to an Italian website with identical photos of my Russian friend. It's most likely that she is the same person shamming me, not someone else using her photos. So at this point I can:

1-send her photos from her own blog, telling her how much she looks like my long lost love, dead wife, etc
2-send her photos from her own blog, telling her how much she looks like my long lost sister, twin
3-send her a photo of a guy on her blog, telling her he was my first - but only- gay lover (tee-hee)

My mind is swimming with possibilities. "Write in Italian", "repeat some phrase from her blog" and to satisfy those who have asked "send nude photos." We are now entering the territory of the reverse double breasted nested sham scam - I like to call it the re-dub-bra-nesty-sha-cam for short. Try it.

I would be thrilled to take your suggestions on what to do next. Please write!


WHAT WILL WE DO NEXT?

Russian Girl update - #3 (Rebuilt)

WHAT DID SHE DO?

In the latest email my Russian friend has declared that she has feelings for me and asked if I have feelings for her. Let's pick apart the clues to declaring this a sham:
1. photo 2 the English language shirt and Live Strong bracelet. American? May be, maybe not.
2. photo 2 is purportedly a photo taken at her workplace, an auto insurance company. A little too sexy for work, no?
3. I've sent a blog address with photos (so I could capture her location). She hasn't visited.
4. Her emails are in poor English and bad grammar, but sprinkled with 2 dollar words like "correspondence", "consequently", "necessarily" and my favorite, "rectilinear."

I typed her address into Google and got a hit on a website that said this is possibly a dating scam but I would have to pay $17 to find out. Ahh, the scam in a sham otherwise known as the double-breasted nested sham scam, an old favorite.


WHAT WILL SHE DO NEXT?

Russian Girl update - #2

WHAT DID SHE DO?

I got an email in which she described a failed relationship. She also sent me a professional studio photo, claiming to have more, asking if I'd like to see them. 

As to my emails asking questions, she claims she does not fully understand them so she cannot answer them. But my emails are re-read repeatedly and are the only thing which cheer her up. She closed her email with a kiss to me.

WHAT WILL SHE DO NEXT?

Russian Girl Dating Scam - #1

A lovely Russian girl has contacted me, looking for a friend. No more Russian men for her, she prefers a foreigner. By the 2nd email she was signing off as "your girlfriend".

In my last email I mentioned that I had two teenage sons. Right after that, I sent an email - in Russian language - saying I hope she had a good night.

I haven't received an email for two days. WHAT WILL SHE DO NEXT?

Scam To Buy My Car

Ever wanted to follow-up on one of those scam emails? Read on.

Over the last week or so I've been corresponding with someone who wanted to buy my son's car. The scammer is “JOSSY” in red. Interesting passages are in yellow.

06/24 JOSSY: “at sea at the moment as i am a marine engineer” “phone calls making and visiting of website are restricted”. “My form of payment is PayPal,” “have a pick up agent that will come and pick it up after i have made the payments.

06/24 JOSSY: hope my wife will like it also because i will ship it down to her in UK. thanks the payment has been made.

06/24 JIMG: An official looking (but misspelled) paypal receipt is received, payment to Liverpool, L70 1AB, United Kingdom

06/24 JOSSY “Thanks and GOD bless“

06/24 JIMG (he tells me I must pay the shipping fee since he overpaid me by $900). You'd think our servicemen would get better treatment. I’m going to the Western Union online site. (Later) Not much luck wit the crappy western union site.

06/25 JOSSY: God Bless you

06/26 JIMG Real good news, I found someone to ship the car cheaper plz send your wife’s shipping address so I can do this today

06/27 JOSSY the shipper am using is given to me by Paypal

06/27 JIMG just got a money order. where do I send it?

06/27 JOSSY send it by Money Gram

06/27 JIMG Cmon man, you gonna buy this car? Man-up soldier.

06/27 JOSSY money removed from my account

06/27 JIMG I’ve got a couple days of chemotherapy coming up. Don’t forget – the stars above show the path to righteous humiliation for the humble saint. Be safe like a “Wilson”, dig deep.

06/27 JOSSY okay when will that be

06/27 JIMG can do it Wednesday night. Like Gomar Pile says, “the patient man will get the highest trumpets calling for peace before the rich man has his just reward.” I will leave the money order with Mike Hunt. Mike Hunt can be a pain. Let the stars be your blanket and God be your roof!

06/27 JOSSY okay try and mail there tracking team

06/27 JIMG: I receive an email from "SERVICE @PAYPAL" telling me "YOU ARE NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" From Agent Mike Olive

06/27 JIMG to which I reply: This is Mike Hunt, as Jim likes to say “the grasshopper saves, the weasel tricks, but the hound will win because he has the strength of one who can howl” and is a hound. Those are words to live by.

06/27 JOSSY: scan it and send it again i cant see it okay

06/20 JIM Pray for Jim using this ancient phrase "May the bird of paradise fly up your nose and defecate in your sinuses."

06/30 JOSSY i will like to know if the money has been paid okay

06/30 JIM I've sent everything you deserve to western union.As you are a soldier, you understand that the man who takes action deserves to get the just reward for his fallacious actions and shall deflect the triumph of cantankerous tribbles. The end is bound to be true, for the serendipity of the grasshopper who finds the sleeping men of Austin, Powers be always the domain of final complete payment.

6/30 JOSSY scan it and send it again i cant see it okay

6/30 JIM I am gratified to apprise you that you have been hoodwinked into earning your illicit payment. As folks around here are fond of saying, the check is in the mail. The indigenous folk of Ebene City in Mauritius would say “Oh Shucks.” Please send another email so that I can continue to obviate your efforts. With many guffaws and persnickety chuckles, I say Hi Ho Silver, away! I await your reply.

6/30 JOSSY receipt is not there check by your self

6/30 JIM Dear "Jossy" Thanks for being a good sport. I think even someone with English as a 3rd language would get the meaning and references. I've enjoyed composing these ridiculous emails and hope you enjoyed reading them. I tease you no more !! Dude - crime does not pay! Chris aka Mike Hunt aka Jim

06/30 JOSSY can you please scan it to me now so i can see it from here okay

06/30 JIM OK, I will put this in very simple words. You did not send money to Paypal. I will not send money to western union - ever. I will not send money to you - ever. See this website for information on scams like yours, www.fbi.gov.

Cheers

IN CLOSING:

He didn't get my "Gomer Pyle" and "Mike Hunt" references (mid-westerners, repeat this: Mike Hunt Mike Hunt Mike Hunt) OK got it now? I was sure that would chase him away.

Funny - he accepted those mind boggling sayings without so much as a squeak or a giggle from him (highest trumpets calling? COME ON NOW!)

Revealing - the more that he had to move away from a simple script, the less he understood about how to write in English

In closing, there’s a moral to this story. I was talking with a friend who said his mother fell prey to a similar scan – and paid $250.

Jim

True story

Regarding email lottery or dead relative scams -

Ever notice that it's always the "President" or a "Doctor" but not a banker, lawyer or lottery official who "signs" those emails?
Several years ago I took one of these email scams as far as I could safely take it. As sarcastic as my email replies were ("WHEEE - -  I WON  Send me the BUCKS !!!  HURRY UP!! ") the guy kept emailing me and after a few weeks he changed addresses and was emailing me minute by minute, coaxing me to go to my bank and get the  bank manager on the phone. In my last email I told him I was heading out the door to go to the bank and "I've fallen and I can't get up". Apparently that catchphrase was not within his Americana experience (he didn't get it) so he insisted that I get to the bank before this opportunity slipped away. Since there was no way for him to hear me laughing or to see my hand-gestures I junk-mailed him and ended it. True story!

G-R-E-A-T... N-E-W-S

I got some great news today. I will be getting a new high performance PC upon my return from... drumroll... the sunny beaches of Aruba! 

Dr Harry Raymond (ap_gmbd@youdumbshit.com) has informed me today that I have won £1,532.720.00GBP in the UK Electronics Award!!! 

As soon as I dig up my bank account number and send the good doctor my social security number I will be ON MY WAY ! My luck has finally turned.

Cheers, losers!! Send you a postcard!!

Jim