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Steven Wright, One of my favorite comedians Part I

On: Thursday, January 27, 2011

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house, and four people died."
"I'm living on a one-way dead-end street. I don't know how I ever got there."
"Whenever I fill out an application and it says 'In case of an emergency notify...,' I put Doctor. What the hell is my mother gonna do?"
"I was arrested today for scalping low numbers at the deli."
"I had a skylight installed in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious."
"I went into this restaurant that serves you breakfast at any time, so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."
"I wish my first word was 'quote', so when I died I could say 'un-quote'."
"I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the zebra did it."
"If it's a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, someone's making a penny."
"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second."
"I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."
"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it."
"Next week I'm gonna have an MRI to find out whether or not I have claustrophobia."
"They say you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. So I got rid of everything to see what I had."
"When I woke up, everything in my apartment had been stolen...and replaced with exact replicas."

Review by David Jeffries

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