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Instructions For Manly Men

On: Monday, February 27, 2012

Early today I was at the supermarket and I came across an attractive lady browsing the donut table. Since I am always flirting and never miss an opportunity to show I am a twit wit, I pulled out my best pick-up lines thus:

1 - Oh, I wanted that one... (when she reached for a box of donuts.)
  •     failed (but I got a smile)
2 - at the deli counter I took a ticket, waiting to be served. The count was at 21 and I pulled ticket #82 since ticket dispenser was not in use. She reached to get a ticket, I said "Here, you can have mine..."
  •      failed (she said that was generous of me, I said "#82, I'm just kidding...)
3 - we bumped shopping carts turning a corner, and I said "you know, 3 times and we are automatically friends. Or maybe you heard that I won $20,000,000 in the lottery and you are stalking me."
  •       epic fail. Nervous smile.
After that, a staff member followed me though the store until I finished shopping, and out to my car. I think he wrote down my license plate number.
Well I guess being a funny guy can be taken two ways. Ha-Ha funny or Ewweew funny.
(This is a true story. At one time these lines would have worked. Now that I have gotten old, fat, wrinkled, old and fat, and... OK, I have a bad memory too, none of this crap works any more. Shit, I don't remember if it ever did. Damn. Any help would be appreciated.) COMMENT BELOW.

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